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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29116377">Doronophobia</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spacegaywritings/pseuds/Spacegaywritings'>Spacegaywritings</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Ambiguous Gender, Anxiety, Attention Issues, Baking, Cooking and Baking, Eating, Food, Gifts, Hurt and comfort, Kinda, M/M, Making Up, Panic, Phobia, Social expectations, playful drama</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:40:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,179</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29116377</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spacegaywritings/pseuds/Spacegaywritings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Roman finds out his joyfriend and he share the same birthday. Time to set up a birthday party to only honour the other.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Doronophobia</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Doronophobia, n.<br/>An irrational and disproportional fear of giving or receiving as well as opening gifts.</p><p>*</p><p>Roman hopped off the couch.</p><p>Perfect.<br/>Everything was in place.</p><p>He took a few more steps back and looked around.<br/>He was currently in the living room, surrounded by an abundance of balloons, plastic and glitter strings and big banners spelling out “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” and “STINKY MAN”.<br/>The man smirked at himself.</p><p>Living with his joyfriend was more than pleasant.<br/>They had loved and dated one another for years but had waited for more stability than student jobs and odd university hours before moving in together. It was a fair but agonising deal and it had finally paid off.<br/>The perks of living together was getting to know each other anew - on a whole new level. There was always something else he had not know about Remus, always something he did or had done in order to surprise the other. In turn, habits and preferences would spice up their routines and merge their lives into one big and shared experience.</p><p>Just thinking about it made Roman ecstatic.<br/>A broad grin spread over his lips and he walked through the decoration.<br/>Balloons were reaching up into the heights of their living room while strings and spirals and anything glitter and extreme was hanging from the ceiling, from other balloons or banners.<br/>It was like a cave of birthday-ness.</p><p>Roman pulled a bag out of his pocket and reached into it.<br/>Confetti bags!<br/>He had obtained the smallest of containers, unstable and full of holes. It was a matter of time until they would fall apart just enough or completely in order to relieve some or all of their confetti. A bit like a Piñata but without the necessary hitting part. Although, walking against them would probably open them up.<br/>They were small little bubbles and their closing mechanism was the worst. It was faulty and horrible, hence he had never used them until he had found out about Remus’ birthday.</p><p>A few days ago, Remus had asked him to check some mail and read it to him while he was doing god-knows-what. All in all, the situation contained a Remus with soiled arms and hands and a hyperfocusing mind while Roman had been the prince of the day to save his love and make sure he could check his mail without moving.<br/>Partner perks!</p><p>Anyway.<br/>The letter contained some information about his health insurance considering he had moved and recently changed his job and thus asked for an re-evaluation of the amount of money he had to pay. Since he was working more hours, he would have to pay more - proportionate to his salary. On the letter, there had been some details about date of birth, city of birth, name and surname and so on. It was in order to confirm all the details were still right or whether there was something else about his record to change.</p><p>Since that, Roman knew that Remus’ birthday was also his own birthday. The only difference? Being the child of another mother, born in the hands and rooms of another person and another hospital.<br/>It was then, that Roman knew it was time to give back to his love and finally entertain his whimsical needs as well. He did not know how he had gone without knowing the other’s birthday for so long. After semesters abroad and holidays spent working and or studying, it felt as though there simply had not been enough time for everything.</p><p>But the world was different now and he would do as much as possible in order to help the other celebrate too! It was usually Roman’s time to shine but for now, he would step down in order to let the other have at it - at least for a little bit.</p><p>“Finally!”</p><p>Roman announced to nobody but himself.<br/>Nobody was invited. <br/>Remus liked people but he came from work and if he was to throw a party, it would be a weekend thing (they could leave the decoration hanging around for a week, right? ♥). Until then, Roman thought it would be kinder and more intimate to have no stress of having people be invited, come over and drink with them when they could spend their first holiday together.</p><p>“Holiday” - well, Remus’ date of birth was a holiday to him. Especially because it was his own birthday, too! It would be the first celebration ever since moving in together!</p><p>To be frank, Roman was proud of himself and the decoration.<br/>He had prepared films to watch - a lot of trashy films, a whole ton of stupid and senseless things - and things to eat. He had gotten Remus one of these gummibears, those that were as big as two hands and as broad as one. Along with some other snacks, mostly licorice, sour things and rather spicy things, Roman had also made something they had termed the “cursed lasagna”.</p><p>Ding!</p><p>There it was!</p><p>Roman rushed over to the kitchen and stopped the oven. Its lights turned off, the sounds reduced themselves.<br/>He grinned broadly.<br/>His hands slipped into oven mittens and he swayed his hips. The smell of tomatoes and baked goods hit his nose. It was probably all over their home, so subtle he had gotten used to it. When he opened the oven, his mouth took the cue to start drooling.<br/>Corn, spices, tomatoes and other smells merged into one mess of tastiness. To his nostrils, there seemed nothing quite as great as this.</p><p>A triumphant grin took over his facial features and he ditched the baking pan of doom and “cursed lasagna” on the stove. Everything was turned off, he checked again, he sniffed again.<br/>Wonderful.<br/>Oven mittens were discarded. They looked like a whale’s face. When moving the “thumb”, it would reveal the inside of the whale’s mouth. Obviously, they were a Remus thing but they were also sort of endearing, so Roman liked to use them and think of the other.</p><p>“Lovely.”</p><p>Roman patted the oven as he closed it.</p><p>“You did a good job - we did a good job!”</p><p>Now, time for cookies, then Remus should be home soon~ Oh, he had the best of presents for him!</p><p>***</p><p>Roman jumped around the house and squealed in excitement.</p><p>“YES!”</p><p>He twirled around and applauded himself. Upstairs, he had watched Remus pull into the driveway through a window. Roman has rushed down at once, nearly knocking himself into a wall. He giggled and continued down the stairs, almost falling over as he tripped over the stairs again and again. One of his braincells had the rationality to make him grip the railing and hold onto it.<br/>The stair railing bend with him as he went down, leaning away from the stairs when Roman did and leaning back in as soon as he pulled it closer with his hurried movements downwards.</p><p>Eventually, he skipped the last few stairs and ripped the door open almost as if he had to detach it from its frame and hinges.</p><p>“My moth!” </p><p>Roman greeted in vigour.<br/>His arms stretched out, letting go off the door in favour of immediately embracing a very much grinning Remus. From ear to ear, the other’s lips were curved into an excited smile.</p><p>“What did you do again, little butterfly?”</p><p>Remus cuddled into Roman’s arms and simply let his body absorb the heat of the other.<br/>No matter how hot or cold it was, Roman was just a tad warmer than Remus. At all times. No exception. Zero. There was not a single time during which Remus had been warmer and more comfortable than Roman.<br/>Whenever they hugged, Remus would remark how warm Roman was and he would refuse to let go, clinging because he was so snuggly warm and extremely comfortable.</p><p>But this time, he let go rather quickly.<br/>Remus got to sniffle the suspiciously fresh cologne in Roman’s neck and realised the other was wearing a suit in dark red, even a bow-tie. He gave Remus a sheepish smile. Something on Remus’ face indicated fading enthusiasm but he still retained a smile, albeit less prominent.</p><p>“What’s going on, Ro?”</p><p>He grinned at him and tugged him into their shared home. <br/>One of the best feelings in life was literally that. You could pull your lover into your home, your shared home and it was great. Roman’s face was shining like a spotlight when he kicked the door behind them close and jumped next to Remus.</p><p>“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”</p><p>Remus’ face fell a bit more but he tried to nod, his trembling lips forming a forced smile.</p><p>“Thanks.”</p><p>He whispered out.</p><p>His gaze was restlessly moving from one to another side. He seemed to look at all but Roman right next to him, as well as any of the decorative elements. It was hard but he managed and he eventually just sighed and lowered himself into a squatting position, head in his hands. His face was covered and Roman was more than just alarmed.</p><p>“Oh shit.”</p><p>Roman dropped down to the floor with the other, hands ready to reach out.</p><p>“Remus, Remus. Can I touch you? May I hug you?”</p><p>The man was hugging himself, clumsily descending his butt onto the floor. He wanted to grimace at the other but it was hard and nothing came out. All that came out was a shallow sigh before inhaling more of nothing.<br/>His lips were moving, slowly.. They did not carry sound with them. He seemed to mouth nonsense to the other but eventually, Roman could see him nod and quickly gathered him back into his arms.</p><p>“It is okay, it is okay. You are safe.”</p><p>Remus shook his head and clung to him.<br/>Roman’s arms around him were like chains but they were all he had and he wrapped himself around him as much as he could. Like a lifeline, Remus attached himself to Roman and gripped him. The hold was not the most comfortable but Roman managed.<br/>He craned his neck in order to accommodate himself a bit more. He gave Remus’ trembling form a little kiss and gently rubbed his back as he started whispering.</p><p>“You are safe with me, love. Everything is fine. I promise you are fine. Nothing will get to hurt you with me.”</p><p>Remus gave a vague nod in response.</p><p>“Good, love, good.”</p><p>He pulled back only to see into the lost eyes of his beloved partner.</p><p>“Oh, love, my dear moth. Come on, breathe with me.”</p><p>Roman smiled at him.<br/>His hands reached for Remus’ and he brought their palms together. A bit of pressure occurred when Remus started to push back. They would vary in pressure and the length of time for staying in a certain position while Roman counted and breathed along with the other.<br/>They went through the usual “4 - 7 - 8” exercise about three times before Remus nodded and squeezed Roman’s hands.</p><p>“Alright, are you better at all, my moth?”</p><p>Remus’ eyes were loopy, almost glossy like a thick layer of sickly sweet lipgloss. Still, he smiled, vaguely and imperfectly as he usually did.</p><p>“Mhm..”</p><p>He hummed softly.<br/>His body moved to get up and he started walking up to the balloons. Roman followed him with his gaze, at first. Eventually, he moved to follow after him. He deemed it more appropriate to stay with him, just in case he would fall into a panic again.</p><p>“I found out it was your birthday today, too.”</p><p>Remus hummed once more. He touched the balloon, then moved on to touch the plastic balls Roman had filled with so many things. For a moment, Remus stared into them.</p><p>“I want to bite-”</p><p>Roman sucked in a breath, loud and more than audible as he basically gasped at the outrageous suggestion. He took a moment to realise his own reactions and swallow them. A small shock was left in his heart at how violently he reacted.<br/>Meanwhile, Remus was luckily too much out of it to really react. Instead, he was still starring at the big “soap bubbles” of miracles.</p><p>They were high up, too high, actually. Just out of reach.<br/>Damn that tall Roman dude.</p><p>Remus kept staring. <br/>Since he could not touch them, he would reach for decoration around them. Fairy lights, strings, glittering stripes and other colourful and absolutely chaotic things.<br/>This looked so much like him and so little like Roman.</p><p>“You could but you should not bite them. They are too big for your jaw.”</p><p>Roman gently squeezed one of his hands.</p><p>“I made cursed lasagna for you, my moth. Would you fancy any of it?”</p><p>In response, the limp hand in his grip tensed. Fingers clawed at the safety of Roman’s hand holding him.</p><p>“No cake, right? No party?”</p><p>His words came out like broken ruins that once used to be stable words in the first place. He drew in a shaky breath. Roman could feel his heart fall apart like overcooked meat. He shook his head with much more vigour than necessary to bring his point across but he just felt.. appalled by the idea of doing anything to hurt his love.<br/>Even if he had planned a party, he would have cancelled it at once.</p><p>“No, no, it is fine. I took the day off to prepare something for us only. It is okay if we don’t do it. It is fine-”</p><p>His voice cracked at the end. He tugged his lover over to the kitchen, a bit of force in his movements. Remus was numb to it and simply shook his head as he followed along. Their steps were tangled up in a confused dance. Tapping in front of one another, between one another and nearly making each other fall down before the oven.<br/>It was still warm.<br/>It smelled of cookies.</p><p>That realisation was somewhat enough for Remus to stop dead inhis tracks and stand still while Roman tagged him along but met so much iron resistance, the inevitable had to happen. Their uneven pace collapsed and with them went Roman pulling Remus into himself until the other just jumped into him in surprise, his body falling against Roman from a sudden imbalance.<br/>The two got down onto the floor, limbs spilling over the ground like cereal from a bowl after a cat had gotten to it.</p><p>“OH- OH FUCK!”</p><p>“hEY!”</p><p>Remus sat up, Roman buried beneath him. He straddled the other. An apologetic smile was gracing the tips of his lips.<br/>Inside of his stomach, a twisted sense of comfort settled in, nesting like a bird at home.</p><p>“Is that why you are treating me rough today?~”</p><p>Remus grinned at the other and leaned down to bring a little kiss to his face.</p><p>“I- I never told you because of that..”</p><p>He pressed his lips together.<br/>In Roman’s eyes, a layer of tears and rejection started to form. He had the face of an underrated star on his head and Remus had to sigh at it.<br/>So much potential. So much pain.</p><p>“Listen, I was- I .. I have issues with these things, with that kind of attention.”</p><p>Roman snorted.</p><p>“Since when do YOU not like attention?”</p><p>He spat out his words, venom rolling off his tongue like a lethal stone ready to fall and crush one underneath it. His face pulled into a mask of shock and he pulled back to increase not just the emotional but also the physical distance between them.</p><p>“Hold on. Hold on. I did- I did not mean to SAY that.”</p><p>Roman curled up, holding his own face. On the other side of the oven, Remus sat down and nodded. He understood. Both had their own issues and struggles to fight with. Roman struggled with impulse control, with lashing out and doing and speaking without thinking.<br/>Remus understood it. <br/>His own impulse control was whack but he had it under better control than the other. Still, he had his own issues in terms of jumping to conclusion and being extremely sensitive to cryptic senses of expectation and hurt while Roman was bad at handling any sort of rejection.</p><p>One was open, the other was a deeply hidden enigma.</p><p>“You!-”</p><p>Roman stopped himself again and took the time to count aloud, slowly. </p><p>“One.. Two.. three.”</p><p>He took a deep breath while Remus nodded along. A little smile of encouragement was on his lips. He tried to be as supportive as possible even though his heart was in shambles and bad thoughts clawed at it. His smile was unstable and shallow but Roman returned it, similarly insecure in his apparent “happiness”.</p><p>“Okay. Alright. Let’s start that again..”, he looked up from his fingers and stared into Remus with his big, gold-like eyes, “why would you hide your birthday from me?”</p><p>He bit his lip for a moment but pulled back again, letting the flexible flesh slide away from his teeth.</p><p>“It really hurt me when you did it but I thought I could surprise you and make it a nice day for the two of us, okay?”</p><p>Remus nodded. Again.<br/>His hands stretched out to offer themselves to Roman. With yet another sigh, Roman actually smiled this time and took the hands. He squeezed them with his own strong hands and shrugged his shoulders in defeat.<br/>Maybe he just loved Remus more than he hated himself. Maybe he could tolerate just a bit more distress if he knew it was worth it - for the other’s sake. For them as a couple.</p><p>“Thank you for telling me, butterfly.”</p><p>He blinked at Roman for a moment, letting him process what he had just said. It took a while but Roman nodded it off, mimicking the encouraging signs of approval in order to show his approval of using his petname at the moment.<br/>Moreover, he prompted the other to continue.</p><p>“That was really brave of you and I value it. I know it was wrong to do but I suppose.. I was scared? I did not want to take your birthday from you and I don’t want to celebrate mine anyway.”</p><p>He shrugged, a soft sigh escaping his lips.<br/>Burdens fell off his shoulder but a certain amount of tension remained in his body nonetheless. He recognised it as a part of situation and decided to just accept it for the time being. At least it did not feel as though he was being stabbed by ice daggers or burned by fire poking and breaking into him.</p><p>“I should have told you. It was near-sighted.”</p><p>Roman nodded again.<br/>Remus gave him an awkward smile.<br/>This was the man he loved and even despite this betrayal, he just.. loved his so much and could see the cold love inside of him, too. In Roman’s eyes, feelings and thoughts were reflected and carried to the outside. He had his emotions on his sleeves and he wore them with pride and a lot of pain to it.<br/>Being full of feelings was hard.</p><p>“I think I should have thought about it and told you because I know I can trust you and I know you would not hurt me or play with my fears or anything.”</p><p>He scratched the back of his head and broke eye contact for a moment.<br/>It had become almost unbearable to see so many feelings. He barely wanted to know what it was like to feel so much and so intensely as Roman usually did. Honestly, it would just break him. Only seeing it in his eyes got too much for him and he needed a minute, no, just a moment in order to calm himself down and catch his breath and train of thoughts.</p><p>“Okay, so. It was a shitty and fucking stupid thing to do. I am sorry. I really am. I did not mean to hurt you! I think I just wanted..”</p><p>Roman squeezed his hands again, prompting the other to take up eye contact once more. They gazed into each other’s orbs for a moment. Remus sighed.<br/>The intense gold was hurtful but also so warm and comforting. Roman’s eyes lulled him into a certain safety.</p><p>He closed his eyes and nodded, understanding. The message his partner was trying to send was more than clear to him.</p><p>“I think I wanted to protect myself. Maybe not even the ME kind of me I am right now, you know? Just past me and my feelings and pain.”</p><p>Remus sighed softly.</p><p>“I don’t even know.. I guess I gotta talk to my therapist about that or something.”</p><p>He shrugged once more and curled a bit more.</p><p>“I never wanted to take your birthday away from you and that just .. You deserve a great birthday and being the centre of attention because you don’t get that enough and I don’t even like it. Why would I tell you? It was the perfect argument for me to not ever say anything about it. I just... really don’t want to have that.”</p><p>Remus shrugged once more. It felt as though he was twitching his shoulders up again and again. Almost as if to emphasise his point by shrugging more and more.</p><p>“I think I got an issue with too much attention - but like, a certain kind of it, I guess.”</p><p>He let his head roll against the furniture behind him. The kitchen provided enough comfort of smells and physical “backing up” for them to feel better and lean back and do whatnot.<br/>Roman shifted to get a better look at Remus. His chest had stopped aching, at least a bit, and he was more concerned about the other at this point in time.</p><p>“Do you think it is about .. when you were a kid and all?”</p><p>Roman’s words were careful but clumsy.<br/>While he tried to avoid certain words, it made the sentence come out as somewhat awkward and unnecessarily slow. In the context of their situation, it was the worst but also the funniest thing in the world.</p><p>It was just enough to make Remus chuckle.</p><p>“You mean the extensive neglect I experienced? The long-term abuse that spoiled about half my life? Yeah, sure. Probably.”</p><p>He brushed his lips together. Roman shifted closer to his partner. When their shoulders met, Remus let his head rest against the other’s shoulder.</p><p>“That sounds like shit, really.”</p><p>Remus snorted. He brought one of his hands around Roman’s middle and pulled him closer.</p><p>“It fucking sucks, let me tell you~”, he giggled more and pressed a kiss to his temples. Roman hummed under the soft touch. His eyes slipped close and Remus brought up his other hand in order to brush it through Roman’s hair.<br/>“But it does not matter because we don’t need to celebrate me. I love parties, still. I love the fun and the chaos and the decorations but I much rather celebrate you and see how I can work this out, okay?”</p><p>Roman pouted.</p><p>“What?! As a prince, I have to help you slay your demons! We will work on this together because I will support you as much as I can! It is my interest and duty as your dedicated lover!”</p><p>Remus stuck his tongue out at him.<br/>Huh, that really was his Roman, huh?<br/>He grinned and latched himself onto the other. The two went to the ground once more, laughing and giggling this time. Slowly, they got up, hands intertwined and bodies so close, they seemed just a moment before merging into one.</p><p>“You are so stupid! Of course you can’t do this for me! We are doing this together, we are doing everything together!”</p><p>Remus chuckled and pulled away, a pretend-flush reddening his cheeks.</p><p>“Do you need to go to the bathroom with me too?~”</p><p>Roman pushed him away.</p><p>“Ew! Remus! You are so horribleee~”</p><p>His speech deteriorated into helpless giggles and he went to the ground once more. The sound of his amusement filled the air and mingled with Remus’ playful chuckles. <br/>Harmony surrounded them. Any and all sounds were dancing around one another and were only interrupted when the scratchy, skewed sound of a grumble intruded the balanced scene. Remus’ cheeks moved when he grinned even harder than before. Roman looked over at him.</p><p>“Ohhh, someone’s hungry for me?”</p><p>Remus stuck his tongue out at him once more. He attached himself to the oven, robbing over on his knees. He tugged at the oven’s door and opened it just a bit. <br/>The smell of sweetness and cookies surrounded him but at the same time, there was a savoury scent to it. Pumpkin, spices, and nachos were the most prominent smells when Remus opened the door and glimpsed inside.</p><p>Roman got up and looked at him, a prideful grin on his face.</p><p>“Well, do you like what you see? I made something horribly disgusting just for you!”</p><p>His lover flapped his hands.<br/>The door slapped shut as soon as he let go off its handle in favour of stimming to himself. He giggled and nodded, hands flapping like a bird’s wings during a disturbed take-off. Remus looked so hilarious as a “broken bird” that Roman could barely help it but hunch over. He held his vibrating stomach and curled in on himself while the other got up and gathered him in his arms.<br/>Remus tugged at him, moving Roman like a doll for dancing practice but his lover was genuinely moving along with him, albeit giggling and chuckling and shedding a few tears of amusement.</p><p>“Shut uuuup, Roman!”</p><p>Remus chuckled as he started “singing” and dancing with the other. The dressed-up man was still laughing as ha slowly regained his posture and leaned into Remus’ arms and body. He squeezed his hands and followed his steps.<br/>Roman was the “prince” but he would let the other take the lead during their little “dance”. Their bodies moved arbitrarily but in some sort of sick rhythm. In a way, they were on par with each other’s movements, no matter how strange and random they seemed to be.</p><p>“Never!”</p><p>They grinned at one another and twirled around the kitchen aisle.</p><p>“Can we eat? I need to get some food into my body. I am so weak.”</p><p>He let his body slump against Roman. The man flinched but immediately clasped his arms around the other. He held him close and supported his melodramatically shrinking body.<br/>Remus let himself sink lower and lower in the embrace. His knees gave in and he travelled to the ground as his body slumped. To emphasise the drama, he reached out for the other, hands stretched out as the rest of his body “gave in” from weakness.</p><p>“Oh Roman.. my butterfly ~”</p><p>He sighed and crashed into the ground.<br/>A deep sigh rattled him.</p><p>“My love, my love!!”</p><p>He reached out once more, touching on Roman’s precious suit before he fully collapsed into the ground and gave up on it all. His eyes slipped shut and Roman “shrieked” in horror. </p><p>“Oh no! My moth!”</p><p>He pressed the back of his hand against his forehead and let out a wail of agony and sorrow.</p><p>“However will I live without you?”</p><p>He sunk to his knees and gathered Remus in his arms. His body trembled from mock-sniffs.</p><p>“Oh no, my love, my love. Only because I forgot to feed and nourish you! Maybe.. if I feed you right now, I will be able to bring you back to life - or at the very least save you from impending doom!”</p><p>He placed the other onto the ground, patting his head before getting up and rushing over to the oven to get the “cursed” lasagna. Roman made quick work of getting a plate ready. He slapped some food into it and rushed back to his love.<br/>In the middle of his rush, he bent his knees and slid across the floor until he crashed into the other’s “lifeless” body.</p><p>“I hereby give my food and comfort to you. Upon this sacrifice, you shall come back to life! The power of love and food will bring you back to me, my moth!”</p><p>He held the spoon up, pointing into the sky as if to indicate that only this was the limit Roman would accept - if any limits were to be accepted by him at all. Roman dug into the food, steam rising from it. Little droplets of water danced like a mysterious veil. He gathered a bit onto the spoon and slowly brought it up to Remus’ lips and into his mouth.</p><p>“Oh my love. Let this food heal you. Let the fruits of my work function to revitalise you!”</p><p>As if a switch had been flipped, Remus’ mouth started moving ever so slowly. His jaw came into motion, rusty and somewhat slow and interrupted at first, but then it slowly melted into more fluid movements. Lips closed around the spoon.<br/>Roman carefully retreated the piece of cutlery while Remus processed his first bite of this meal. </p><p>“My love, you are chewing~”</p><p>Roman tried to say but started giggling throughout. Instead of crying out as if in a dramatic scene, he chuckled his pretty face off as Remus stretched and got up like nothing had ever happened.</p><p>“It was about time!”</p><p>He pronounced between his food. Roman rolled his eyes and Remus decided to finally swallow.</p><p>“You are the worst. Don’t speak with your mouth full.”</p><p>Remus pouted at him and shrugged.</p><p>“Shut me up then, will you?”</p><p>The suited man chuckled and looked down at himself. By chance, he found some dust on his fancy clothes. They were wrinkled up and some glitter and confetti was already on the floor. How?? They had barely been in the living room!<br/>Did Remus somehow get one of the balls and-</p><p>“OH OOPS!”</p><p>Before Roman could look up and see what this outcry was about, he could already see glitter and confetti flooding the ground. Remus threw the empty “bubble” halves away as if to get rid of the evidence.<br/>Yeah, it was not absolutely telling how there was decoration all over the floor.</p><p>“Oh, Remus! Really?”</p><p>Roman grimaced but he was laughing already.</p><p>“Come here, you big baby. Let me at least get the food ready for us two, then we can cuddle up and hate our parents, huh?”</p><p>Remus pouted.</p><p>“I have no idea what happened, how did this glitter even get here?”</p><p>He hugged the plate of food to himself.</p><p>“I WILL BE THERE FIRST! I WILL EAT A PARTY BALLOON!”</p><p>As if struck by a sudden will to destroy and disorganise, Remus jumped up and dashed out of the kitchen. Behind him, he left a trail of glitter. It slowly rained down on the kitchen floor as the other rushed away.<br/>Roman hopped onto his feet and grinned benignly. His hands moved to fix himself a plate. The tips of his fingers were tingling.</p><p>This was a mess, all of this was a mess.<br/>But at the very least, they had one another.</p><p>They cuddled up on the couch together.<br/>For some reason, Remus was pouring sauce? Ice cream? What were all these things and were did they come from? Onto his food while complimenting Roman and shoving more than enough pumpkin-nacho lasagna down his throat.</p><p>This man.</p><p>Roman eased into the cushions and sighed.<br/>He was content to be here.</p><p>“Hey Roman?”</p><p>He used to be content, maybe. He rolled his eyes at his own playful cynicism and nodded as he fed himself a bit of his own creation.<br/>Oh, it was actually quite good.<br/>He needed to use cumin more often while cooking. It was one of the best things he had ever tried. Damn!</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>He sunk deeper into the couch and closed his eyes.</p><p>This was not even that bad.<br/>The day was a mess but it also was not? He liked that, somehow. It was strange but this is how things went with Remus on board. Roman did not mind moving in together with him even one bit.</p><p>“If you have presents, can you .. not give them to me?”</p><p>Remus dug his spoon into the mystery ice-cream he had gotten. Why would anyone mix pumpkin and ice-<br/>Actually, that sounded kind of good, in a weird and absurdly disgusting way. He stole a bit of seasoned pumpkin with vanilla ice cream from Remus’ plate. The ice cream was self-made and thus much more prominent in taste. Oh.. this was actually much better than expected! The flavours hugged one another and harmonised into a new taste- experience.</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>Oh yeah, back to the question.</p><p>Remus shrugged.</p><p>“I freaked out cuz’ I thought this was some sort of surprise party and all. And then they usually give people, like, presents and all that fucking stuff. And they all stare and shit and take videos and I am not stoned enough to get fucked up on so much anxiety and attention, you know?”</p><p>Roman furrowed his eyebrows.<br/>That was a confusing bit, so he gave himself some time and spoons of food in order to untangle the mess of information the other had presented himself with. He even stole some more ice-cream to which Remus pouted a great deal but simply added some more.</p><p>“Of course you just had to like my cursed addition to my cursed lasagna!”</p><p>He fed himself more of the weird food combination they had created together. By now, Roman had given up on his own plate. They were both holding Remus’ plate with lasagna and ice-cream and started spooning the food together.</p><p>“Okay, so... let me get that right”, he started as he had finally made sense of his partner’s words, “you are scared of the attention when people do things for you?”</p><p>Remus shrugged.</p><p>“I mean, I guess.”</p><p>Roman thought about it for a while.<br/>Now, that he thought back, it was as though Remus would actually rather die than ask for support. More often than not, he would get hurt or make a mess just because he was too stubborn to ask for help, look up a question and so on.<br/>Roman had always assumed this to be a weird sense of stubbornness or a “need to prove himself”, kind of. Oh, he had been so wrong.</p><p>“I know that this part is because I was fucking neglected and whatnot. So my mini me learned to not rely on others. Asking for help is not part of my “upbringing”. I don’t fucking know. It is a lot and I guess it is just about being too independent, maybe.”</p><p>Roman’s mouth shaped a big “o” when Remus said that.<br/>They had discussed these things before.<br/>Roman had taken ages to dare exploring himself since he was raised into a tragic amount of dependence, so much so that he barely felt as if he could breathe without assistance or approval in the first place. It was wild to see that he and Remus got so close while being so different. At the same time as Roman experiences absolute helplessness whenever left to his own devices and decisions without guidelines or anyone to please and adhere to, Remus would bloom with little to no restrictions, which was why he was so chaotic. At least this was what Roman had used to assume.<br/>By now, he knew that Remus was neglected so much, that dependence was a foreign concept to him. He did not know how to ask for help, how to be appreciated and how to not provide help to others.</p><p>They were so drastically different but they still.. they were still together and they worked.</p><p>“We will exercise that, then, I guess.”</p><p>If they could help Roman get his shit together and be more and more independent, then they could help Remus be more dependent and unashamed of needing or wanting help.<br/>He put the plate away despite his partner’s extreme denial of doing so. Remus was pouting again but his facial expression showed how vulnerable and light he actually felt.</p><p>“You deserve nice things, okay?”</p><p>Roman brought his lover into a hug.<br/>Predictably as always, he wrapped his arms around the other.</p><p>“We can combat that beast together. You deserve to be able to let go, to let others be nice to you and care.”</p><p>Remus’ body tensed up but .. he let go after a while and sunk into the puddle that was Roman’s hug. </p><p>“Aw, you bitch are just saying that because I helped you kick butt on your own, huh?”</p><p>He snuggled closer and pushed his head into the Roman’s chest.</p><p>“Thank you..”</p><p>Roman giggled. His chest vibrated underneath Remus’ chest.<br/>His hands brushed through Remus’ hair ever so softly.</p><p>“I would do anything for you.. and if it is desensitising your fears of love, attention and gifts, so I can love and gift and attend to you even more? I will take this horrible fate onto myself!”</p><p>They giggled together.</p><p>“I hate you, too~”</p><p>Roman smiled as they sunk onto the couch together, still embracing one another.<br/>The cushions bent and dented beneath them.</p><p>They were content.</p>
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